Of bullying and resilience

There has been a recent avalanche of news related to bullying around me. Teachers, students, even my family; suddenly bullying is a big deal, and a serious issue.

Nothing new here: it has always happened and it has always been serious. But why are people all of a sudden aware of it?

Well, that´s thanks to Netflix. And their super-awesome series 13 reasons why

(note to the reader: I am sarcastic when I call it super-awesome. I hated it.).



I believe that this issue should not be treated lightly or the way the series has treated it: suicide with glamour, and a touch of sweet revenge.

As an educator, I deal with bullying daily. As a former teenager (it seems like it was yesterday), I have been bullied. And I have bullied. And what I think about bullying may not please everyone. 

Spoiler alert: do not read if you haven´t watched the series. And if you haven´t watched the series, a word of advice: DON'T!

Then comes "13 Reasons Why", a series where a girl, completely oblivious about herself, make a couple of bad choices, supposedly suffers "bullying" and "cyber-bullying", commits suicide, leaving behind 13 tapes with the reasons that lead to her suicide, blaming everyone around her for it.

Was she not aware that her suicide was her own fault? That she should be able to answer to her own actions, since leglly she could drive and vote?
She made bad choices in friendship. Why did she want to be their friend? Because they were part of the cool people. They were visually acceptable by the school. Then she made some other bad choices. And then some more bad choices. Then the consequences of her bad choices lead her towards some more bad choices. And then, selfishly, she takes her own life, which is the mother of bad choices.

This series is not about bullying; it is about choices. 

She chose to see her parents as cold, careless people; they were most definitely not! They cared very much for her, they were struggling for her future; for crying out loud, they gave her a car to go to a DANCE!!! Tell me if they didn't care?
She chose to get closer to the wrong people: all around her were kids who she could talk to. Maybe if she was less self-centered and pulled her head off her own ass, she could just stop facing the entrance door of the cafe and turn around to see a tattooed girl, ready to help her through all her problems.
She chose to be the bully! After all, why didn't she talk to the cute boy who liked her? Because, oh come on, was he wearing the school team's jacket? No, he reads for pleasure! He's not cool, so she crossed him off her list. How about the rich, drug-user, super cute rapist? Oh, he's cool, I'll go to his house, I'll befriend him and his group of friends. So she chose to get closer to the dangerous, bad kids for reason only: to be cool. She wanted to be part of the cool crowd. She chose to behave recklessly in her first date and let the boy photograph her crotch. Because he was cute and popular. 

And finally, she chose to destroy the lives of the only people who really cared for her by taking her own life. She destroyed their lives forever. She killed her parent´s spirit. Is that something that should be aclaimed? Then why is everyone aclaiming this series? 

Bullying should not be dealt with this way. As if dying is "the cure". There is no cure. There is no stoping. It's like the flu, it"s going to come, not matter what you do. You can only fight it and make sure the effects aren't so bad. 


Bullying happens, has always happened and will always happen in every society. So, should I try to stop it? Should I kill myself and get back at the very people who bullied me? NO!

If you come to think of it, the way kids bully themselves can be considered a way to build up their resilience towards adult´s life difficulties. And the only solution for bullying, not the cure, is self-awareness: the kind of self-awareness that will give kids the power to choose between falling or getting up and keep fighting. That´s how I chose to see it.

As an educator, I try to empower my students: I try to show them everything they have good in themselves. I get them to talk about themselves, talk to each other, listen to others. The more they know who they are, the less unsure about themselves they'll feel when bullied. And what should they do in case that happens? I also try to empower their flaws: celebrate being different, embrace your uniqueness, get them to feel comfortable in their own skin. That way, when someone comes and points out your flaws, not only do you know about them, you feel proud of them! 


That's how I've always reacted to bullying; that's how I want my students to react. Be strong, embrace your differences, wear them as a badge, respect other's differences, and move on.